pumpkins download

recently i logged off from from company's network, (i deleted the IP address). so after that, i can DOWNLOAD all those smashing pumpkins stuff that i have been eager to get my hands on for so damn long. sluuurppp!!!! haha.... i found this website http://www.billy-corgan.com/ for quite sometime, but i don't have the opportunity to download those songs. but now, i will maximise the internet facility.

ok, now for some updates. and now i'm fucking mad. just now the china man asked me to go down to his office and collect my pay cheque. and guess what, that muthafucker deducted 60bucks from my salary, just because i was late to submit my fucking report. we worked damn hard for the pay, and that bugger taking the opportunity to deduct from our salary from these kind of reasons. for just failing to submit the damn fucking report. my salary is damn low enough, and this time i wont tolerate him ANYMORE................FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, we had passed through the 'dark' period...my grandma's is ok already. but she really gave a a scare yesterday night around 9pm. her condition suddenly worsened. her BP sky-rocketed to 220. and she was complaning bout chest pain. her body, hands, legs and mouth were shaking. it took bout an hour for her to get better. all of us were there by the bedside. and my aunts were giving her encouragement, telling her not to give up. it was really a tense situation. because of some situation, she can't really leave the house before 11pm, but that time was just 9pm. and her condition was not too good. she just have to struggles for the last two hours before we can send her to the hospital. it's like a do-or-die (in this case, it's really death). luckily she managed to pull through this time. she didn't gave up herself, coz no one can really help her. so after an hour later, her BP began dropped to a normal level. and her chest pain was gone. it was a relieve to everyone. she finally made it. we were all happy... coz soon after that everything will be normal again. and we didnt waste our effort to take care of her from wednesday nite till yesterday nite. it was the last day of the 'dark period'. and according to my neighbour (the aunty that has yin eyes, a lot of those spirits were in the house on early thursday morning (from 11pm (wednesday) till 6 am. and she really mean a lot of it. 'they' were there to 'see' my grandma, so if my granma gave up that night, they will take her away with them. my aunt heard some noise. according to my neighbour, when those spirits came, we can listen some all sorts of noises. for example, she heard the chair in the dining hall was being accidently pushed by 'something' when everybody was sleeping/no one in the dining hall.

by the way, today i'm damn happy. first, my granma was ok already, and second; i found a website. i can finally download some smashing pumpkins stuff. some mp3s that i wanted for so so so so so so so so so...long.

what a nite......

i had written a tune, with some influence from hendrix (just a tiny bit of it). it more of a doo-woop style in the verse, and hendrixism on the intro. it's actually quite simple, except the intro part. anyway, overall the tune was blues influenced. these days, i'm doing some blues tune, with some twist. i tried to finish up the song by today. and i came up with a bassline, damn cool stuff. maybe i will try to play bass on that song which i havent written yet, so i need to be the bass palyer for once. sorry wai, u need to play guitar for this...hahah. it's a simple bassline also, i just wanna try my hand in singing and playing bass (should be a difficult task for me, but who cares, at least i tried.) what had happened till now:

• i was in my aunt's from yesterday nite. need to take care of my grandma. according my one of my neighbours (she had those yin eyes; she can see those spirits. for some, it's unbelievable, but what she told us last week was quite true. she was ok already a few days ago, but as she told us, my grandma would be in 'trouble' again today. so from yesterday, my grandma was sick again. from 2 days ago, she was ok when she was out from the medical centre. me, my bro and a cousin need to be by herside to 'protect' her or something, so that some spirit from under can't take her away. i was up till 6am++. so damn blurred. and my head is heavy. as we sitting by her side, i played my electric axe (minus the amp), so the sound wouldnt be obvious to any one. just practicing and develop a song. and to pass the hours away. my cousin claimed he saw something from the tv's reflection. she saw a figure of a lady with long hair sitting behind him, from where he sat yesterday night. luckily that bugger didnt tell, it will scared the hell out of me....
• took leave today...it would be damn tiring if i went to work today. really damn bored with the company. seeing the sight of the fucking china man would irritate me even he wanted give me somethign to do. so...that's means i'll be out from that place soon. and that fucker gave us a door access card each, i think i don't have the chance to use that thing for a month.
• and one more thing, dave...dun call me sifu, bugger. u have to pay first before you to that. hahah.... hmm..maybe i can learn FS from him. hahah...i think fei would be very very surprised. really need something new to interest my mind and playing.

4 days ago.....

these few days were hell, cant get enough sleep. need to go to the hospital for 3 nights (starting from last friday) and i need to take 1 day leave on tuesday, coz i'm really tired, even though i don't need to take care of my grandma the whole night, just from 10pm till the next morning around 7am or 8 am. luckily my bro and my aunties were there also. staying in the hospital at night really gives me the creep esp when my brain starts to think of something like spirits and ghost etc. damn. there's a few things that happen within friday nite till today.

FRIDAY:

• went to the hospital to take care of my grandma (hmm...not to say take care) i'm just there to sit and accompany her and my aunties for some apparent reason. the first day, boring. went to 7-11 to buy some food stuff to eat. my granma was admitted to the ICU because her BP was low. so when she was pushed inside the ICU, we can't go in. so lepak at the waiting hall, chat, eat and sleep. it's damn difficult to sleep there, the sofa was small, just enough for 2 person to sit, and the arm rest was having some problems. it was noisy when i tried to rest my legs on it. after 2 hours, i cant stand it anymore, i find another sofa, a single seater, and sat there and dozed off till 6/7 am. my body was aching esp my neck. and there was one occasion when i opened my eyes i saw a chick passed me by, the image was blur, like a dream.. i'm not imagining thing, she was for real. the first time i saw her, she was like 3 metres away, so when i opened my eyes again, she suddenly dissapeared into thin air. (i was just making that up) haha..so when i opened my eyes again, i saw her again..a bit closer and walked pass me. after that went back home, slept for a few hours.

SATURDAY

• need to go the hospital again at night. my grandma was released from the ICU. so we just sat by her room. lepak there. one of my aunt slept early. she was very X10 tired. took care of my grandma for more than a week (never missed a day) for more than 20 hours/ day. she took leave for that week.
• waiting for the much anticipated match between Man Utd and Arsenal on sunday. unfortunately i can't watch that game. need to be in the hospital that night also ( sunday, 24th). if the devils lost, the will not stand a chance for a title chase. and Arsenal will stretch their lead to 50 match unbeaten run.
• one patient from the opposite bed scared the hell out of us, me and my bro. she had a dream, and she sounded like a turkey in her dreams. she was making the 'turkey call'. i thought it was some kind of ...........(i left this for your imagination)
• had a 2 hour sleep. damn noisy. a group of malays were making noises in the hospital. fuck those assholes. they are inside the hospital and they think it's their home, or they are having a party. damn inconsiderate assholes.

SUNDAY

• i was whining all day coz i cant watch the fooball match. really looked forward to that match. i planned to take 2 hours off to watch the match, but was warned by my dad. he won't say anything, but my aunt will. i got an idea, i asked my sis to report the match updates to me via phone (sms).
• still whining...."arghh..why can't i watch the match tonite" (in cantonese)
• went to the hospital as usual. nothing special happened.
• my sis updated me with the score line around 12++ am. van Nistelrooy scored trough a penalty. (and the papers said Rooney dived. coz there's only minimal contact between him and Sol Campbell. who gives a fuck. robert pires also dived oftenly during last seasons campaign. (thank you to the ref.) and van Nistelrooy had a chance to repay Arsenal their 'favour' last season. a few Arsenal player mocked him because he failed to score a penalty last season.
• the second sms received. Wayne Rooney scored another goal. he tapped the in the second goal after receiving a pass from Alan Smith. and there's something to cheer on, that fucking lame defender named John O' Shea didnt play. woohoo....now that was something to cheer on. Man Utd was having some pretty bad runs. so this win will be remembered...hahah
• was damn tired. were there till 8am. it rained very heavily. for a while. so went back home, turned on the tube, and i manage to watch a few minutes of the match. after that... dream land, here i come

MONDAY

• grandma went back home already. so that night we have to stay at my aunt's place. she was getting better already. thank God.
• i planned to work on the next day, but i took leave. damn fucking lazy coz i really hated that motherfucking company. and chyn already hand in his resign letter to his boss. but i need to wait for a while before i hand in my letter.
• my aunt had a dream also. she dreamt that someone came and took my grandma away that nite. and she talked and mumbled something. she said that something covered her mouth when she tried to talk. that's why i heard some 'muffled' words that i didnt understand. and then i heard she 'asked me to come and help her'. soon she woke up... scared the hell out of me.
• tuesday morning, i was blurred. so i smsed kumar and told him that i cant go to work that day.

crazy thing to do when your bored..

i was damn boring today..so, i decided to do something stupid and dumb. i was using google, and i had an idea. i searched my own name 'thai kong'... and what a pleasant result i get. there a shop in cambodia had the same name as me. it was called Thai Kong Generator Shop. wow..and it even has a website. unfortunately, the shop is not mine. i don't have 'business' venture in cambodia....

today and yesterday's news and views

not much to say today: the things i wanna say today is actually yesterday's news. i typed a whole bunch of words, and when i tried to post it, i didnt realise that my internet connection had been DC'ed. then i got lazy, i just like that....

Yesterday's news (it was actually 2 days old already).

• my grandma finally went back home (2 days ago)
• came back from Paka and feel like shit, have to do some fucking overtime even though i reached home ard 8pm. this is a fucking company. don't ever work here. (2 days ago)
• got an email from wai (about nescafe's stuff and he asked bout my grandma's condition). "she's ok already, thanks for the concern, my man" (yesterday's news)
• Man Utd drew with Sparta Prague (0 - 0). shouldn't field john o' shea (he sucked) what happened to kleberson, djemba-djemba, ronaldo, phil neville. john o' shea can't play midfield. dissappointment once again. i should have supported Arsenal when i'm still in secondary school. (yesterday's news)

today's stuff that interests me

• ROTTW (Rhythm of the Third World) is co-organising a battle of the band. this is a local music magazine where i once did my pratical training bout 2 years ago. kinda cool there, err..i mean my boss' guitars. he had a collection of guitars in the office laying around there collecting dusts. i wish they were mine. once i opened up a guitar in a hard case behind my boss' back. and it was a godin electro-acoustic 12 string axe. tried to play the thing for a while. it rocks baby. it rocks. back to the battle of the band, it should be a battle of power chords to me. all those rockers/punkers wanna should be there (esp malay guys who thinks they can be rock stars by just churning a million power chords/minute) what i observe in those bands, is nothing new or shall i say different from other bands. they just play power chords. playing a C chord is more difficult than that. right...'gameboy'??... or they would shred the guitar like yngwie (those are people with more technical level) but still they would sound like everybody else. so basically.... i don't care. i just wanna play everything that comes out from my head, heart, hands and fingers. self-expression is important as well as technical skill. well there are a few school of thinking in playing music. some..for Self Expression (that means they 'recycle' the whole damn C, Am, F, G and they would just change the lyrics and melodies...they have another new song. they are more like a song writing plant). another one.....the Copy Cats. these are the people who just playing songs by other people/band. they just wanna have plain fun 'copy-catting' other bands namely nirvana, green day, OAG, etc. there's a lot of people like that in the jamming studio. some of them really good in 'copy-catting' but majority of them just failed. during my practical training in ROTTW, i heard some demo tapes. one band from sarawak, when they start to play..u'll know that it's a nirvana wanna-be. playing... power chords. singing...kurt cobainesque type. but fail to replicate kurt's scream. the bugger's was out of pitch all the time. the story of the failed copy-cat. some other demo, razif and band (razif was a music lecturer at my art school in USM). played jazz and lounge music. fucking cool stuff. gotta respect him..... that's what we call musicians. i'm not looking up to those people that play jazz or lounge music, but when you listen to what they are playing, you can tell they are something. when you see him perform...on the piano. it was like cool stuff.. (self expressions and good technical skills). the other school of playing, Self Expression V.2. it was something like us, Bedroom Jam, try to do our own thing, try to be original (there's no denial that there will be some influence music that we listened to) and try improve our technical skill to higher level. we write our own songs (self-expression) without churning out the same ol chords and strumming pattern, at the same time, add some technicality on the song, making it difficult for other people to play it, even your bandmates. hahah...it that cruel or what.

yesss!!!!!!

yesterday i went to the hsopital. my grandma was admitted to a medical centre (a blood sucking one) around noon by an ambulance. i didn't know bout it until i went back after work. so, as usual there were a lot of people in the ward, majority of them were relatives.

so i was expecting something that is not 'good' but hmmm...everything turns out to be better. my grandma was admitted because of dehydration. and that's the reason she was like hallucinating and talking nonsense that day. when i arrive, i saw my cousin sister who works as a nurse there was attending her. she was feeding her with orange juice from a syringe (minus the needle) and some plain water. the good news was she's getting better already and can even recognise some people, and more 'conscious' of what she's saying. now that's a relieve to all of us.....can't look forward to celebrate her birthday this coming friday.....

anyway, thanks to dave and fong chan for the encouragement that day. i really had hell of a time 2 days ago.

yesterday!!!!

the thing i feared most is likely to happen soon and hopefully it wont be so soon. i don't really look forward to this event, nor every human being in this world would like to look forward to. it happened to me twice in the last 11 years, and i hope it won't happen so soon. 11 eyars ago my beloved grandpa passed away, it really shook me up, as i'm just 12 that time. not long after that my grandma (mom's side) also went away too.

now, my beloved grandma (whom i lived with since i was still very young) is very weak. her condition was ok, a few days ago. but 2 days ago, her condition has gotten worse. at first there something wrong with her back, and with some proper medication it gotten better. the pain had gone away. due to the pain the last few weeks, she had sleepless nights. the pain has taken toll of her. 2 days ago when i went there, she can still talk and walk a bit on her own. but yesterday, she can't walk on her own. it really saddens me to see her condition. when i'm on my way to her place, my dad told me that grandma loves me the most. and she always asked for my condition when i'm studying in penang, and do i have enough money to spend and this and that. while driving i tried to hold back my tears. when it comes to these kind of situation, i have to admit i'm very emotional. although usually face would hide all those emotions away from people. but yesterday, i tried realy realy hard not to cry.

when i reached my aunt's place she was lying on the sofa, with dozens of people surrounding her. and both of my aunts and dad sat by her side and try to comfort and encourage her. and she was sleeping when i arrived. i try not to disturb her. i could see the emotions from my aunts face. their eyes was filled with drops of tears, although they don't want it to flow down their face, they were really fighting their emotion. they are very close to my grandma. i try to skip the 'scene', so i went to the eating hall, sitting there alone, while one of my little cousin sat next to me playing his PS. i really had no mood for that.

my aunt (from kl) sat in front me. and she was telling me all sorts of things. things that i don't like to hear. like what if my grandma can't make through this, and there's no point of living life , things won't be the same anymore. i could feel that. from that moment on, i can't held back my tears. those memories was aplying in my head. frame by frame. playing continuously without pausing, frames from my early childhood till now, the happy ones, the sad ones..... i know it's logical that every human being will leave this world one day or another, and time will heal the soul, but at the moment there's no logic that defy the the powerful sad emotion. even i tried to be positive, saying to myself that it was a normal human cycle. we were born, we lived life and then we leave this world. i still can't fight my own emotion...

i pray to God, hopefully she will be okay today..........i don't wanna lose someone special so soon...

i'm a one man band? i doubt it.....

a bit of history: i started to play the guitar at 16years old. play a really damn cheap guitar. still remembered that i bought it with my 'red-packet' money, or 'ang pow'-which means red packet. cost me bout 60 to 70 bucks. learn it all myself, except occasionally i will learn from a friend of mine. other than that, i start all of it from scratch (but took like 3 months of class) never learnt anything useful from there. so i quit...and didn't pay the last month's fee. hahaha

to tell the truth, my playing never took off to a new level that time. maybe i was new playing it. and i had difficulty transcribing songs and figuring the chords, not like steve vai... he can tell the chords when he listens to one. wish i got that skill or how to learn to aquire that skill. back to my playing, i was still playing those simple chords. C, Am F, G or G Em C D and etc. maybe i would add in some easy hammer-ons/pull-offs on the chords a played, just to make it sound melodious. but that didnt help me, playing still sucked. hahah... i used to buy a lot of reference books, for guitars. chord book, song book (those popular song books-with the current hits and etc stuff), all kind of books i could find in my hometown. but i never used those books properly, i would just learn all the songs halfway, then i'm done already. i'm don't learn from songs. lazy..i guess, and last time i was not internet savvy, don't even knows how to operate a PC (where a lot of my frens were so into those PC, processor thingy. they are rich i guess, and their parent can fund their obsessions). not like today, finding songs/tabs are so easy. just search for it in the net. any how, my guitar remains my best companion all those years, night or day, rain or shine, exams...?? nehhh i don't give a damn. i would play it...used to sleep with holding my 'axe' last time. after a few frustrating years playing the 'kapok', i finally send my kapok to 'hell'...i smashed it to pieces. actually smashing an axe is quite a wonderful experience. i really know how pete townshend, and those guys felt when they smashed their axe. u really felt like a rockstar...hahah.. too bad dave don't have a proper axe to break....

electric guitar phase: i got my electric axe a hofma (now still using it, not to say i hate it now, but it's got some problems here and there. actually i was the one responsible for those problems.) i used to think that the guitar neck is flat. i have this problem thinking that the shop who sold me the axe was ripping me off. but there's nothing wrong with my axe, i just don't understand the string vibration mechanism. haha...used to remove some of my frets, and file it myself. so because of it, there's something wrong with my frets. and, at one point i actually 'accidently' damaged my electric axe. so with some screws and a kind of chemical, i glued it back. (and i stopped playing it for quite a while. i disassemble it and put in the cupboard. i can't stand living without it, so i fix it back. D-I-Y style.) i used to open my axe to repair a few times. just wanna explore the anatomy of it...and clean up volume and tone port. it was giving me the scratchy sound when playing with it. and also 'installed' the flyod rose bridge (minus the locking nut) myself. the crartsmanship is damn poor. hey's it's just a hofma, if it was broken, so be it. if i had a fender strat or tele, i won't do that. i don't even have a proper amp. i'm using my dad's 'home entertainment system' to play my axe. i would plug in my cables to the karaoke (mic input) machine, which runs through a pioneer amp. so to get 'distortion', i turn up the level of gain at the mic input, and try not to turn up the volume of the amp too much. so..after a few years of playing with 'my set-up', the speaker finally can't take it. in short, i had ruined my dad's pair of speaker. and i don't have any guitar efx processors. too poor for that also. a few years ago, i bought a crappy amm, a prince amp with crappy distortion. yuck!!!!

the smashing pumpkins phase: i bought a pumpkins album when i'm in F4. i was skipping maths tuition class that day. i'm one of those people who doesnt believe or HATED tuitions. my tuition usually lasted for less than 3 months. i'm still wondering how i manage to secure a place in penang, without any tuition at all in F6. call it lucky?? no..i worked hard also, but i don't have the additional information/tips that could secure me more marks, my friend had when they went for tuitions. back to the pumpkins, i was so obsessed with them, till now i will listen to the 'mellon collie' album, one of my favourites of all time. from then i tried to figure out how billy corgan did all those catchy/heavy riffs. and sometimes wrote some pretty cute songs that i like. eventhough during that period, i hated those cute songs. i was so into slayers, korns, metallica, megadeth, etc. but i enjoy those 'cute' songs from pumpkins ie lily (my one and only). so...to cut my story short, i went to tower records one time with a few friends. it was my first time there. and i saw the original mellon collie tabs. without thinking twice, i grabbed it and paying the the nearest counter. even it costs like hell. and i still dont know how to read tabs (tablature). so i studied the inside for quite long. finally i figured it out. and i tried to play the songs. not sure whats the first song i learnt. probably 'galapogos'. from that day on, i try to absord billy's style and philosophy in guitar playing and song-writings (directly or undirectly). hmmm...should call myself pumpkin boy. the band got drummer boy, kidney boy and 'playboy'.
so my playing 'improved' a tiny bit. al least i'm not recycling C Am F G all the time...

Uni Phase: this was one of the phase that i improved a lot. thanks to the exposure to other musicians esp dave. the wanderers also played a tiny part. the first i played with dave..hmm... my first impression was..fuck this guy memang ganas like fuck. can goreng also (or in simple language..play fast licks). can churn out songs like a radio. people named the songs, and he will play it (eps chyn will request songs from dave) i used to feel inferior playing alongside dave (and wonder how i can be like that). he was like fucking terror. and my confidence was below zero...and all i played is pumpkins' stuff. i can't play other's songs...never care to learn it...

"bugger, u memang kejam last time...."
and we formed an unofficial 'guitar partnership' which lasted till now. and we're quite well known last time (in our first/second year) because 1) we play quite different from the rest 2) our size. (when we walked together. they will see a huge contrast. hahaha...one is huge, and is tiny. not like the 'batman-robin' partnership, it was more to king kong-mickey mouse partnership.)
so beginning from there, i was improving. thank god....but not that terror like dave said yesterday. that i'm a one man band."...... "i'm terror..no shit".... "not many people plays like me". my God...i don't think i'm that good lah. just trying to do my own stuff (with my own signatures) there were hell a lot for me to improve on. a lot of styles that i had never heard of. my technical skill is like eewwwww, sucked!! i could never play fast, that's for sure. hahah....AND ONE MORE THING, MEETING THE REST OF THE BJ MEMBER IS A BLISS IN LIFE. AT LEAST I DON'T NEED TO PLAY ALONE... THANK YOU GUYS FOR BEING WONDERFUL BAND MEMBERS!! NOBODY CAN'T REPLACE YOU ALL, NOT EVEN J*****N. ROCK ON!!!!!

sabah here i come!!!!

mr our mr FP (dave) make it to the top 16 for the nescafe kickstart. woohoo...good for him. yester he went to the press conference at tv3. go there to 'bulls' the press. and he got leonard as his mentor. don't know how he did it, but he just did. actually a few months ago we sent some demos to some recording companies, and we actually got rejected. haha..never mind there will be always another time for us.well leonard replied us, saying that we got potential, but we really need to be really serious and make a better demo. and he even asked us to meet him up that planet hollywood, during a gig there. universal replied also, and said they don't need any bands right now, and even 'kutuked' us saying that we having too much fun in the recording studios. well, he/she's right. we're actually did. we're not that serious when it came to recording. don't know why?? i think we need to enjoy the session, not too rigid when doing demos. maybe we already known each other quite long, )actually not that long (less than 5 years) but each time we jammed, it would feel like we had been palying together for like 10 years. that's why we having fun. it's diffirent when practicing with other musicians (like wanderers) have to be damn serious, coz we don't know those ppl. maybe shy a bit lah...that's can't buat joke and this and that.

and dave said that we have to go to sabah (if he got top 4), to some orang asli settlement. and stay there for 2 months, and he will do some researching, and get inspired to write more songs. it that cool or what..i'll be following him there. don't care what my parents or grandma says or whoever, i will go to sabah. should be a damn cool experience. i wonder i can get a sape and use that to play in the instruments in our recording. i need to learn bout the sape. last time, i got a friend from sarawak, who likes musical instrument+music+art+etc. he make his own sape. the tuning, i asked him before, it was drone-y kind of tuning. that means, something like alternate tuning. i hope this can change my life in a better way. i hate working regular hours. and this is like a fucking good oppoturnity to break some new grounds... to all my frens here, i gotta go sabah with dave. woohoo......no need to miss me..hahahah

hmmm...maybe i could lose some weight also. hahah.. that's cool or what, enjoy some new experience and lose weight. hahah...an i wont cut my hair. hahah. will be like some jungle man... (and my parents will be surprised)

KL Trip

Friday was cool, i was supposed to go to Kuantan Parade to help out at the exhibition booth. unfortunately, i 'over-slept'. just too bad. i 'really wish i could help out' at the booth. (actually i'm fucking lazy to go there. waste my time. who the hell would go for that thing when you already worked full-time. all day facing the PC is tiring enough, now he wants me to go there.

Back to Saturday, i went to KL that early morning. earlier on, i asked Fong Chan to wake me up. i scared i can't wake up. if i missed the bus then i maybe need to pay extra for a new bus ticket. but i was already up before she woke me up (using her phone). i packed my stuff, put in my folder with lyrics, contest forms, and the guitar efx manual, some clothes, and hp charger. i tried to be early, unfortunately i need to settle some business in the loo, before i can go to the bus station. i was late. i was pretty anxious when i'm in the car. i was looking at the clock the whole journey. minutes passed by, and i'm getting panic. i finally reached there around 9:01am. and there were still people boarding the bus. THANK GOD. i was the second last person to board the bus. the last one was a malay girl.

Kuala Lumpur: 1pm. i reached KL around 1pm. before i reached the town centre, i sms'ed brenda, asking her whether she is free to meet up later. unfortunately, she was busy. in her reply, she was like 'someone else'. her usual answer would be very polite, cheeky. but this time it was stern-like reply. It was like i was disturbing her when she in the midst of doing something very very very urgent. scary!!! at last we didnt meet up as planned a few days before this trip. as i reached pudu, i walk straightly to the taxi stand in front of kotaraya and took a cab back to my aunt's place

11pm: earlier on, i phoned my uncle. asked him out for a drink. i was expecting my brother would join us, but it rained. so he didnt make it. so only both of us there. and i told him bout my current working 'problems' and guess what he was damn pissed with the fucking china-man also. he even asked his number from me. my gosh... he wanted to 'give some lecture' to that bastard. but i said it was not necessary. he even told some of his past working experience to me. where he used to stand up against his manager, boss, leader when he was step-on the head by them. he stand up against them when he feels that he on the right side. so, when he do that, some of those people began to respect him more. and his manager in Boon Siew Honda, was even scared of him. my God. it was last time that his manager was giving him some problem. there were once he applied for MC because he was so sick. but when the manager asked of his whereabouts, a colleague told him that my uncle when took an MC and when back home. and the manager asked is he really that sick, and should he call an ambulance for him. so tomorrow, after my uncle went back to work, that colleague told him what that asshole said, he straight away and confront the bugger when the manager had just entered his office. and the don't even had the time to put down his briefcase. he was 'fucked' by my uncle because of that comment. woohoo..serves him right. i wish i had those courage to do those kind of things.

Sunday: (breakfast, jam time, kfc time, shopping time)

Would meet up with some F6's friends, liew mei, kiew, and kok leong and not forgetting Mahen (one of my fren from primary school). i was there around 9:20am. waited for them to show up. i waited quite a long time. from 9:20 till 10:15am. it was almost an hour. well, it's better to wait rather to be late. (i got this from a Rolex advertisement at the back cover from my mom's Herworld Mag- but the quote is not a precise one, i cant remember the precise quote.) after they FINALLY arrived, we went to another place to eat. i dunno where the hell is that. i only knew that it was still in PJ. not very familiar with that area. we ate at a restaurant. there were hell lot of people. we have to wait by the table side to people to go away before we 'jump onto' the table to get a seat. after almost finished with the food, mahen still not here. he was lost or something like that, took a wrong turn and ended up somewhere else. kesian. we finally asked him to stay put at a specified location, and we'll go and meet him up there. we finally went to jalan gasing. and it was like almost 12 noon. so we join dave in that indian restaurant at jalan gasing. after a brief intro, we settled down. the four of them would chat among themselves where me and dave would discuss something on the jamming session later. fei and wai would be a bit late to join us. he asked us to go to the studio first. tune the guitars. and those fucking guitars took like forever to tune. they will never stay in tuned. all we get is those fucking worn out ibanez and vantage. i tried to change an axe because the worn out ibanez sucked. all the frets was like a drainage system of an early civilization. i spotted the usual fender strat that i would get if i go and change the axe. but somehow the asshole wont give to me. bastards!! there are 2 malay guys (not these 2) that will straight away give the strat to me when i change the axe. unfortunately it was not their shift that day. arghhh!!!! i hate playing worn out axe, sounds like fuck, tuning giving you headache.
soon after that, liew mei and co went into the studio, to see us 'perform' or shall i say practice. and then liew mei requested me to play songs from beyond. "sorry lah liew mei, those guys don't know how to play beyond stuff. we write our own songs. maybe next time. hahah." Soon our bassist and drummer boy came in. we start to play. but we havent warm-up yet. so we sucked a lot. we manage to play a couple of tunes, ermm..like 'resurrection' for them before they went back. too bad, we havent 'gel-in' yet. soon after they were off, we're playing better already.

i think the whole session was quite progressive. we manage to play a few new tunes (bored with the older tunes already), dave's stuff arabic tunes (i would do minimalism, plus playing a fucking difficult chord-strecth my finger like hell till it hurts), his 'LOVE' song (not the lovey dovey one). and he fucked up just to sing the song. and he was damn stressful trying to recall the lyrics and melodies. haha...kesian. we recycled some old songs, S.P, S.L, Father, Son, Violin, and some song i cant recall now. feeling blur now. and i manage to intro my new stuff, Rain Nation (it sounded like muse/radiohead and those guys insist it sounded like pumpkins, arghhh what-ever), the 70's danceable song that dave would not play guitar and will sing. haha.., and i will sing Resurrection next time when all the lyrics completed. the last 2 hours was chaotic, we just simply do stupid jokes, do funny sounds, imitate girlish voice etc. as usual, the bj's chaotic session. somehow, in this session i dont get warned too many times for playing out the distortion to the max. haha. after session, we went to pudu. went to KFC, wai went to buy ticket back to ipoh, but didnt join us coz he already got a ticket. my bro joined us soon. with his girlfren. while the 3 of us discuss bout the Nescafe kickstart, the two of them just listened and eat the food. around 6:45pm, dave and fei went back. and me and bro and his girlfren went to kotaraya. i planned to buy tshirts or some clothes, but i went victoria music instead. hahah, anybody would have guess it, i ended up buying something else. a Beatles DVD (an original one, of course) on their first American visit. that cost me 60bucks. so forget the damn shirt. i had to borrow some $$$ from my bro to buy it, but i pay him back after i withdraw some money from the ATM machine. and i bought a new game. Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow. Fuck, i wonder when i can get back my PS2. damn it. the last week was hell without it.

So after that, it time to get back and start all over again....BORINGggggggg!!!!
During my trip back, i send some Sms to liew mei, dave, and fong chan. and get sms from kiew. she said she wanna to join the band. hahaha. (only as an audience.) at first she expect the BJ's sports long hair and looked ganas. then she complimented us saying that we very 'yao yeng' or stylish/cool. hmm...i don't think we're that cool/stylish. hahah. we're just 4 ordinary guys wanted to make something out of music. we just try to write our own songs/be ourselves. and we (esp me) don't intend to look cool on stage by jumping around the stage like my ass' on fire. maybe i will adopt the name 'The Log' as my stage name. hahahaha.............

one more thing, need to thanks fei, for providing us transportation with his forever dependable nissan sunny. without him, i think our life will be quite miserable each jamming session. Thanks drummer boy!!!

There's still hope...

I was waiting for one of my friend for lunch (or shall i say, i was just waiting to get paid. you see, i was doing some free-lancing job for him. some graphic free-lance job. it was one of those ways to get more money.) i waited for him for quite a long time. at first he said that he will arrive around 1:15 to 1:30. unfortunately for me, he arrived around 1:45++. well that makes my lunch hour been shorten to a good ol 15minutes.

to cut my story short, when we finished our lunch, i mistakenly placed my 10bucks under my plate of food. i was going to pay for my food, but my fren paid for it. so i palced it under my plate. soon after my makan session was over, i just left the place and totally forgotten bout my money. so careless of me. i think i'm having some short term memory lost. hahah.... it was so kind of the waiter there to return back my money. even though money wasn't much, i really appreaciated his act of kindness and honesty. THANKS DUDE!!!

btw, i think he'd not a malaysian, maybe someone from myanmar/thailand/cambodia. you see, other people were kind to us malaysians, why can't we be kind to other foreigner (cambodian, thais, indonesians etc) or towards our own people. there are many people in the country that will only be kind to 'kwai loh'/mat salleh/europeans,americans and australian. they still see them as far more superior than us. and we tend to discriminate poeple from our own South East Asian region, by stereotyping as people from lower haste, criminals etc. not all of them are criminals, rapists, thief etc, majority of them came here just for a better living. and you got to respect the work ethics, hardworking and don't mind of low pay. they worked their hearts out. for locals, we would never accept low pays and grumbles when we were given loads of work (and that includes me as well). i think i need to stop all the whining/grumbling/complaining. but it's difficult for me, as those bad habits are like second nature to me. SIGH!!!!!!!!!

yay!! song ranked 33rd

today's start was slow. very slow that everything around me is moving quickly. yesterday i need to go to a shopping mall to help out at the exhibition. it was a boring day. so no need to elaborate. even when i typed in all these, i was taking too much time. the usual typing speed of mine is slow, today's speed is even worse. something like a sloth typing ona keyboard. and my head is quite heavy, slept at 12midnite yesterday. more than 8 hours of sleep is enough, but somehow i felt like i'm somewhere else. enough of complaining.

Btw, one of our song (of bedroom jam), a jingle called.. ermmm..KFC song/ Jingle/ Bring On The Good Times was posted by dave into a website called Players Paradise. and guess what it ranked 50th yesterday, and today's ranking 33rd. YAY!!!!!! IMPRESSIVE. i never imagined that the song will go up till 33rd. i wrote the progression for that song, and dave chipped in the lyrics. it was written when i'm still studying in penang. i wonder the ranking can go up even higher. for me, it was a good start. it was ranked 33rd out of 2071 songs. it that cool or what.

there's a new shop opened near our office. it was managed by some taiwanese people. a lot of people (esp those housewives) were very anticipated. WHY??? because it sells it's product for 1bucks each. which housewives and aunties won't get attracted with these kind of pricing. even carrefour, giant, makro and other multi-million hyper market can't sell at this price. only 1 term, u have to sit there like 20 to 30 minutes, to listen to their lecture. after the session each kiasu/kiamsiap housewives will get to buy 1 product for 1 bucks. and they are not selling cheap and low quality stuff. all those products were available in the supermarkets, and were sold at range between 10 to 20 bucks. i wonder what's their motive for this. and guess what, they were courting trouble for themselves because they intend to sell their items to chinese only. non-chinese were actually not 'welcomed'. during it's opening day, there were malays and indians to come to shop. unfortunately, they were 'shoo-ed' back because they are not chinese. what the fuck is wrong with these people? this is Malaysia, not Taiwan. In Malaysia, we have lots of races, not just chinese. if you intend to do business in Malaysia please don't use these kind of stupid/unethical ways. Only chinese is allowed to shop at their premise. i really felt pissed with their tactics even though i'm a chinese (a Malaysian actually). We're are living in year 2004 not 1954. fuck those guys!! They are trying to separate us into groups again just like those colonial days where the British ruled our country. this is definately out in Malaysia, where we all live together and tolerate each other (maybe occasionally some 'backstabbing may occur-who can deny this that we sometimes will take a little stab on other race's back) but at least we tried to be harmonious, and we succeed. It was only yesterday i went out with the two practical malay guys for supper.

Paka trip

yesterday was hell of a day. came to the office as usual. after i get some things done, i followed China-man (C-Man) to Paka (as planned). started the journey around 10:30am.the journey was boring. i don't wanna talk to that bugger. and i don't have any topic to start a conversation to him. and i don't intend to start one with him.
i think this C-man is fucking nuts, i drove all the way from Kuantan to Paka. along the way, we stopped at Gebeng, coz that bugger need to pass the laptop to somebody. as i'm not very sure with the direction, i need him to guide me there. and he's so fucking abd in giving direction. talking bout driving for more than 20years (i assume he got 20 years of driving exp) at first, he was damn slow to tell me to turn. for every turn he will ask me to turn before 5 metres upon reaching it. what is wrong with him. he should have told me where i should turn earlier on. i think that's why he always met with accidents. fucking careless asshole. and there's once he told me turn into a different direction when i'm in the middle of the junction. and there's one car is coming towards us. crazy ass...

well in the car, he asked me a lot of questions. but i replied with only short answers. that C-man asked bout my parents, where i study, what's my ambition, and interestingly what i think bout the company after 2months there. hmmm...if i'm those people with guts and will tell all the things straight-to-your- face, then he will get a shock (and i would have to walk back home already). unfortunately, i'm not those kind of poeple. so i just keep quiet and find something as an excuse, guess what i said. i said the problem is only the stairs at the office. well, in my office there a flight D-I-Y stairs made from wood. each steps was narrow, and if you make one mistake, u will reach the lower floor in a record time (that's mean you will roll down the stairs and ended in the hospital or if you are mean (and mistreat your staff and other people) hopefully you will End Up In HELL.)

and after that he said that's your only problem after working for 2 months. Fuck it, man. u think your company is that good. PTUIIII!!!!!! the company was the most problematic one that i work for in my career in a year. he got a lot of stuff for me to do. but i think i'll pass. while he got the money, i will just receive my monthly pay of 700 hundreds. well, FUCK YOU!!!

well, in Paka, i met a middle-aged man who owns a photo shop. but his place (or shall i say, town) was short of designers or people with photo-editing skills. so it's been hard for him searching for a suitable person to do his job. if he's in kuantan, i probably get 'squeeze' more 'ka-ching' from him, haha. unfortunately, he's in Paka. i wonder if i can get some free-lance job from him if i blah from the damn company.

and dave called when i driving in Kemaman. hopefully no police officer spotted me chatting on the phone while i'm driving. upon reaching Kuantan, it rain 'Elephants and Rhino'. it was worse than raining 'cats and dogs'. i couldnt see anything except rain waters gushing down. and it was so windy that the coconut tree was in a 30 degrees angle. leaves were flying everywhere. luckily, i got a pair of sunglasses in the car (it's not mine actually)

TIPS: YOU CAN ACTUALLY SEE BETTER DRIVING IN THE RAIN WEARING A PAIR OF SUN GLASSES THAN WITH YOUR NAKED EYES. TRY IT.

i reached home around 6pm++. i drove straight to my home and C-Man take over the steering wheel later to the office.

guess what, one of my colleague (the asshole) asked me back to the office when i'm in the middle of having dinner with my family. do you think these kind of company is worth working for. THOSE BASTARDS TREATS YOU AS A SLAVE. AND YOU HAVE TO BE ON CALL 24 HOURS A DAY. I JUST HOPE THAT LIGHTNING WILL STRIKE OF ONE THEM ASAP. MUTHAFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boring Days Ahead

i think my day will be doomed tomorrow. that fucking china-man wanted to go to Paka ( in Terengganu). why the hell he should ask a graphic designer to go to other company (i don't what's the name of that company), and bring along 'orignal' software installer with me. what is wrong with this china-man, is he out of his mind or something, i think he wants me to do stuff for that company in Paka. if i'm not mistaken, the labour law prohibited something like that. hmm..i should go and do some research (if i'm really just being used as a tool for to make money, then he should think twice.

damn, my printing work in the office is not done, and he wanted me to go there with him. the flyers were still short in quantity. i think a few hundreds. thursday will be the day that i need to there to a local shopping mall to 'supervise' the booth there. i don't mind supervising there but with the asshole that often pissed me off lately. arghh.... it would be a very long day for me for the next 3 days.

and saturday, i need to go down to kl to meet the guys and do a jam session on saturday. gosh, i havent get my to and fro bus ticket from KTN-KL and KL-KTN yet. damn broke these days. that's wha you get when u work in a lousy and stingy company, with a fucking calculative and china-man type boss. talk about high salary. mine is only 700 bucks plus 100 allowance. say bout graduating from a U and get good salary upon starting work, and it will secure your future with better living. who's that fucking asshole said that. they better apologise. what kind of statement is that? btw, will start looking for a new job. maybe wanna try to apply a job in Genting Highland. fed up with the company and some staff. better start making some innitiative in taking control of myself. should never let these asshole ruin my life like that. Live life full and cool.

will meet up with brenda this saturday, if she's not occupied. maybe someday will go to cameron highland and visit marni. hahah... it's been time since i met her. kinda misses her though. i think if we really meet, our chat will never ends. we can talk bout everything under the sun. well almost everything.

confrontation

last time, i used to keep quiet and hide under my straight face when i'm dissatisfied with certain issue or somebody had pissed me off. i was really timid of confrontation, i will use any kind of ways to avoid it. till now, i'm still like that. don't like confrontations. i used to think why dave' like to confront certain situation that happened to him (or shall i say 'sengaja cari pasal') haha. i really didnt understand why you need to confront a situation, people and issue face-to-face.

well, now i'm beginning to feel the need of a direct confrontation/ indirect confrontation (in my case; when i'm angry, i would show my face to the people who provoke me directly/indirectly). gone were the times that i will 'make myself' feel that everything is ok, if you're patient enough and be more tolerant of others. i used to think i will avoid showing my 'face' to people and fight back when i faced certain issue/people.

well, i was wrong about myself. just the other day when i required to do O.T till 2am. that morning, i went to work as usual ( plus with an angry feeling). my face really showed it all to the people around me esp some assholes (i don't consider them human). Soon, my boss and a colleague (an ass) came upstairs and wanted to discuss with me some important stuff. i 'showed' them my pissed-off face. i really can't hide it anymore. i was really pissed since i started working here. never been pissed with so many people at the same place/time.

just now, i received a call from a colleague. i really begin to hate that S.O.B. the way he talked, was pretty irritating. he always pretends that he's the boss. i'm lazy to elaborate more. but he really pissed me off this time, that i will certain burst it to his face (in the near future; in case i'm still in the company) i really don't give a fuck anymore bout everything in the company, esp those few people who's giving me some pretty hard times. if he talks me like he's the boss (he kept asking me to repeat what he 'ordered' me to do) the phone, i will surely 'fuck' him back nicely. i already say to myself that the next time he pissed me off again, he will really get it from me..

whaoooo...what a nightmare

when you grew older, you would think that that the 'supernatural beings' never existed in this world. and there's no such things as ghost and bla bla bla. i had some pretty bad experience when dealing with some 'supernatural' kind of things. some people would say i taking nonsense, and they would there no such thing as ghosts and all of their kinds.

in recent days, i seldom encountered any of these situations, but during February this year, i got a 'visitor'. if i'm not mistaken, it was my grandpa. and it was my first day of work in my life (minus the times when i used to help out my parent in the market during my schooling years). i was pretty sure it was 'him'. as i'm one his fav grandson. since i'm young, my granpa used to bring me along wherever he goes be it the Hainan Assco in town centre, the market place (early morning) for breakfast, and all the place you can imagine. and my grandpa even asked me to go to a betting shop when i was just barely 10 years old. boy, i was scared. i was pretty timid then. and ocassionally i would hold his steering wheel when he was driving while lit up his cigarette. and whenever he goes to the Hainan Asscociation for a few games of mahjong, i would also would be there. no..i'm not there to play. but i'm just to loaf around, and take the opportunity to eat more. i would order food from a stall helper whenever he came up the the 'gaming room'.
and one more thing, everytime i would pester him to buy me toys when the opportunity arises, when i'm in the supermarket. sometimes i would ask my grandpa for some money to buy toys. boy..am i greedy or what. or should i say 'manipulative'. such a 'devil'..haha. i still remembered that i bought a batman figure. when he sent me back home, my younger bro would get jealous of my new toy and in turn, he would pester my mom/ grandma (mom's side) to buy him one. so in the end we would get one figure each. happy ending..

well, the sad ending was when i just started secodary school. in less than a month, my grandpa was admitted to the hospital. before that, he was admitted a few times. when he was sick, he would take all kinds of medication. be it those western medicine or eastern herbs or sometimes even some street medicine recommened by his friends. i had seen him taking to pills with yellowish powders inside. maybe that's the reason that his health is failling him. on the 28th of Dec, my parent went to school early to picked me up. they said to me that my grandpa can't hold on anymore. when i reached there, i went inside the ward, standing beside his bed. seeing his worsened conditions really saddens me. he could barely talk, all he does was holding my hand. and i could not hold my tears. hours later we went home. my aunt and uncle was there to accompany him for the rest of the night. so the next morning around 5 to 6 am. my grandpa passed away. it was 11 years ago.

well, at least occasionally i would get visited. although sometimes it freaks me out. according to one of neighbours, (she could see ghost, you see) she often saw my grandpa came for a visit. and she told us that my grandpa can even remembered who she was. and there are a few times, i would feel my grandpa sat on my bed. and this i'm not bluffing... i remembered on 2 occasion (one was at my aunt's place; in the room where my grandpa used to sleep, and another one is in my own room.) in that 2 occasion, i would feel someone sat on the mattress. and i'm not dreaming at all. the mattress would suddenly sunk in as a person was sitting on the edge of it. on the second occasion, i could even feel my grandpa leaning on my legs (and my legs got goosebups all over it, and i could feel the chill of it) even my mom, sis told me that they experienced it when they slept in my grandpa's room.

well, yesterday night 'maya karin' woke up around 12midnite. i was having a nightmare actually. i dreamt that a pontianak (maya starred in that movie)was in my room. gosh..i was pretty freak out. who would thought that a 24 year old would scared of his own nightmare.