yesterday!!!!
the thing i feared most is likely to happen soon and hopefully it wont be so soon. i don't really look forward to this event, nor every human being in this world would like to look forward to. it happened to me twice in the last 11 years, and i hope it won't happen so soon. 11 eyars ago my beloved grandpa passed away, it really shook me up, as i'm just 12 that time. not long after that my grandma (mom's side) also went away too.
now, my beloved grandma (whom i lived with since i was still very young) is very weak. her condition was ok, a few days ago. but 2 days ago, her condition has gotten worse. at first there something wrong with her back, and with some proper medication it gotten better. the pain had gone away. due to the pain the last few weeks, she had sleepless nights. the pain has taken toll of her. 2 days ago when i went there, she can still talk and walk a bit on her own. but yesterday, she can't walk on her own. it really saddens me to see her condition. when i'm on my way to her place, my dad told me that grandma loves me the most. and she always asked for my condition when i'm studying in penang, and do i have enough money to spend and this and that. while driving i tried to hold back my tears. when it comes to these kind of situation, i have to admit i'm very emotional. although usually face would hide all those emotions away from people. but yesterday, i tried realy realy hard not to cry.
when i reached my aunt's place she was lying on the sofa, with dozens of people surrounding her. and both of my aunts and dad sat by her side and try to comfort and encourage her. and she was sleeping when i arrived. i try not to disturb her. i could see the emotions from my aunts face. their eyes was filled with drops of tears, although they don't want it to flow down their face, they were really fighting their emotion. they are very close to my grandma. i try to skip the 'scene', so i went to the eating hall, sitting there alone, while one of my little cousin sat next to me playing his PS. i really had no mood for that.
my aunt (from kl) sat in front me. and she was telling me all sorts of things. things that i don't like to hear. like what if my grandma can't make through this, and there's no point of living life , things won't be the same anymore. i could feel that. from that moment on, i can't held back my tears. those memories was aplying in my head. frame by frame. playing continuously without pausing, frames from my early childhood till now, the happy ones, the sad ones..... i know it's logical that every human being will leave this world one day or another, and time will heal the soul, but at the moment there's no logic that defy the the powerful sad emotion. even i tried to be positive, saying to myself that it was a normal human cycle. we were born, we lived life and then we leave this world. i still can't fight my own emotion...
i pray to God, hopefully she will be okay today..........i don't wanna lose someone special so soon...
now, my beloved grandma (whom i lived with since i was still very young) is very weak. her condition was ok, a few days ago. but 2 days ago, her condition has gotten worse. at first there something wrong with her back, and with some proper medication it gotten better. the pain had gone away. due to the pain the last few weeks, she had sleepless nights. the pain has taken toll of her. 2 days ago when i went there, she can still talk and walk a bit on her own. but yesterday, she can't walk on her own. it really saddens me to see her condition. when i'm on my way to her place, my dad told me that grandma loves me the most. and she always asked for my condition when i'm studying in penang, and do i have enough money to spend and this and that. while driving i tried to hold back my tears. when it comes to these kind of situation, i have to admit i'm very emotional. although usually face would hide all those emotions away from people. but yesterday, i tried realy realy hard not to cry.
when i reached my aunt's place she was lying on the sofa, with dozens of people surrounding her. and both of my aunts and dad sat by her side and try to comfort and encourage her. and she was sleeping when i arrived. i try not to disturb her. i could see the emotions from my aunts face. their eyes was filled with drops of tears, although they don't want it to flow down their face, they were really fighting their emotion. they are very close to my grandma. i try to skip the 'scene', so i went to the eating hall, sitting there alone, while one of my little cousin sat next to me playing his PS. i really had no mood for that.
my aunt (from kl) sat in front me. and she was telling me all sorts of things. things that i don't like to hear. like what if my grandma can't make through this, and there's no point of living life , things won't be the same anymore. i could feel that. from that moment on, i can't held back my tears. those memories was aplying in my head. frame by frame. playing continuously without pausing, frames from my early childhood till now, the happy ones, the sad ones..... i know it's logical that every human being will leave this world one day or another, and time will heal the soul, but at the moment there's no logic that defy the the powerful sad emotion. even i tried to be positive, saying to myself that it was a normal human cycle. we were born, we lived life and then we leave this world. i still can't fight my own emotion...
i pray to God, hopefully she will be okay today..........i don't wanna lose someone special so soon...
posted by TK at 5:25 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home