S.P (Simple Pleasure @ S**** P***) and S.L (Shattered Life)
I read Dave's 'confession' today. Personally i'm surprised, for a guy like him keeping a secret is quite difficult. But now i realised that he still a 'few skeletons in the closets'. Well, we all had a few of them right?? Some things are better left untouched...remained in a dark corner deep inside our heart...
Well, S.P is the initial for a girl i like last time when i'm doing BFA in Graphic Commnunication. I even wrote a song especially for her with the title S.P. (but i don't have the chance to give it to her, but i performed it to her during our Art Nite, and she don't even knowing it. Maybe one of these days, i'll send it to her or something, just to let her know) I think all members of BJ's knew bout it already (and even kutuk that initial- damn kejam punya buggers. i don't wanna mention what they say.) Until today i still think of her. i dunno why, i left USM for quite sometime now, more than a year and a half, but i still had that feeling. Well, these kind of things are difficult to explain...
We did not progress fast, or shall i say, didn't even had a proper relationship at all (but the feeling is strong). We're attracted to each other, but at last she's been with another guy. We actually started as friends/coursemates (i'm giving too many hints already -to people who knew me esp my beloved coursemates). Things had been normal for the the first 3 sems. Nothing special happened.
The attraction started during our 3rd year, the 1st semester. I don't know when is the precise date, i did remember that particular night, it still stuck to my mind; the memories,the details all the stuff we did (nothing much that night except supper early that morning). It started like this, we went for supper that early morning. At first we asked another coursemate along but she was kinda busy/sleepy. She didn't joined us. Both of us walked to the mamak restaurant 'Subaidah-if i'm not mistaken) under the moonlight. As we walked along, we just chat bout the normal things; projects, assignments and other stuff. We finally arrived at that place.
Then, that 'magical moment' happened. As we arrived that place, we need to climb up to some higher platform around the drain area. I climbed up first. It was easy for me as i'm not vertically challenged (this terms inspired by dave). But she was having a tiny bit of difficulty. She called me. I turned around. She asked me to help pull her up. I bent my body slightly, extended my arm to hold hers. Pulling her up towards me (and i still remembered how her hand felt at that time). Our eyes met. Then KAPOWWWW, it hit me like an asteroid crushing to the surface of the earth at 1000km/hour. My mind was focusing on her only. My heart was pounding fast, real fast... i think i had just falled for her!!!
I kept my feeling for myself, still unsure with the feeling that hit me a few minutes ago. We went inside, searching for a place to sit. She sat down first, and i proceed to the chair opposite of the table. She stopped me and asked me to sit beside her. I realised that something 'magical' had happened to me. I was in cloud 9 throughout the supper session. Starting from that day, seeing her is like seeing an angel. Everytime i reached the entrance to the graphic studio, i will be sure greeted by her sweet smile. Ahhh..life is so so soooo sweet for me. Starting from that day, i sat beside her in the studio, and other classes that we went together. I knew some of my coursemates will realise this especially a few of them that is quite close to me. It was too obvious, especially during our Art's Theory tutorials. And most of the times since 'that thing' happened we seldom concentrate much during tutorials. We just chatted away the hours (using pen and papers). We used to write down our conversations in our note book or in a piece of papers. When i opened up my old forgotten and dusty note books, i still see the thing that we had written/chatted. many things are filled with the memories of her, her birthday present to me (a plush cat, the notes, some pictures that we had taken, the songs.. and even a box of art equipment that she gave to me when i taking my painting course. These things reminds me of her. I still remembered that i gave her a stalk of rose as a surprise. It was during USM's 2002 convocation. She said she was a bit sick. i called her down to our secret meeting place, next to the surrounding wall of U-Heights, we chatted for a while, i gave her the rose. She was very happy, i can see the radiant glow from her face eventhough she was sick. Everytime we meet there (before and after 'the moment') we usually chat for more than 1 hour or sometimes 2 hours, we just stand there beside it and talked bout eveything. there are many things in my mind bout her, but i can't recall too many at this time.
Now the S.L part:
A few month's had past, i still don't have the guts to confessed to her. I don't know why, maybe i feared rejection and fear of losing precious friendship. I had enough of this already. There are many times, I didn't make a move because of that. When i finally had the guts to confess (not the usual face-to-face confession, i send her gift of her favourite cartoon character's toy holding a confession card). When she got the present, she sms'ed me saying that she was already attached to somebody. I was too late making my move. Till this day, i really damn fucking regret that i didnt make the first move and i hated myself for it. I can't never forget that nite. I received a sms from her and don't even dare to read it twice. My whole world was crushing down. I was down and depressed but i tried not to show it in front of my coursemates. I try to pretend that nothing had happened. After i got the sms, i planned to start a 'new' life. It was 31st Dec 2001. I went to Komtar, get a spiky haircut, get a blue glasses and to try be another person. But i can't really change myself by by wearing different clothes, sports different hairstyles. It's just a cover-up. That time i was inspired to write S.L (Shattered Life). People who read the lyrics should probably knew what i had written, i'm not a good lyricist, not good with words. What i wrote in my lyrics is somekind of confession of my life at some point.
I need to say sorry to Dave coz i ciplak his 'theme' from his blog. Sorry, ya. hahaha! When he confessed bout Judy, i feel the urge to spill somethings from my heart that had been there for so long. Usually Chyn (one of my best bud, and BJ'sand a few good bud) would know some of my secrets. But i never told him bout this.
Well, S.P is the initial for a girl i like last time when i'm doing BFA in Graphic Commnunication. I even wrote a song especially for her with the title S.P. (but i don't have the chance to give it to her, but i performed it to her during our Art Nite, and she don't even knowing it. Maybe one of these days, i'll send it to her or something, just to let her know) I think all members of BJ's knew bout it already (and even kutuk that initial- damn kejam punya buggers. i don't wanna mention what they say.) Until today i still think of her. i dunno why, i left USM for quite sometime now, more than a year and a half, but i still had that feeling. Well, these kind of things are difficult to explain...
We did not progress fast, or shall i say, didn't even had a proper relationship at all (but the feeling is strong). We're attracted to each other, but at last she's been with another guy. We actually started as friends/coursemates (i'm giving too many hints already -to people who knew me esp my beloved coursemates). Things had been normal for the the first 3 sems. Nothing special happened.
The attraction started during our 3rd year, the 1st semester. I don't know when is the precise date, i did remember that particular night, it still stuck to my mind; the memories,the details all the stuff we did (nothing much that night except supper early that morning). It started like this, we went for supper that early morning. At first we asked another coursemate along but she was kinda busy/sleepy. She didn't joined us. Both of us walked to the mamak restaurant 'Subaidah-if i'm not mistaken) under the moonlight. As we walked along, we just chat bout the normal things; projects, assignments and other stuff. We finally arrived at that place.
Then, that 'magical moment' happened. As we arrived that place, we need to climb up to some higher platform around the drain area. I climbed up first. It was easy for me as i'm not vertically challenged (this terms inspired by dave). But she was having a tiny bit of difficulty. She called me. I turned around. She asked me to help pull her up. I bent my body slightly, extended my arm to hold hers. Pulling her up towards me (and i still remembered how her hand felt at that time). Our eyes met. Then KAPOWWWW, it hit me like an asteroid crushing to the surface of the earth at 1000km/hour. My mind was focusing on her only. My heart was pounding fast, real fast... i think i had just falled for her!!!
I kept my feeling for myself, still unsure with the feeling that hit me a few minutes ago. We went inside, searching for a place to sit. She sat down first, and i proceed to the chair opposite of the table. She stopped me and asked me to sit beside her. I realised that something 'magical' had happened to me. I was in cloud 9 throughout the supper session. Starting from that day, seeing her is like seeing an angel. Everytime i reached the entrance to the graphic studio, i will be sure greeted by her sweet smile. Ahhh..life is so so soooo sweet for me. Starting from that day, i sat beside her in the studio, and other classes that we went together. I knew some of my coursemates will realise this especially a few of them that is quite close to me. It was too obvious, especially during our Art's Theory tutorials. And most of the times since 'that thing' happened we seldom concentrate much during tutorials. We just chatted away the hours (using pen and papers). We used to write down our conversations in our note book or in a piece of papers. When i opened up my old forgotten and dusty note books, i still see the thing that we had written/chatted. many things are filled with the memories of her, her birthday present to me (a plush cat, the notes, some pictures that we had taken, the songs.. and even a box of art equipment that she gave to me when i taking my painting course. These things reminds me of her. I still remembered that i gave her a stalk of rose as a surprise. It was during USM's 2002 convocation. She said she was a bit sick. i called her down to our secret meeting place, next to the surrounding wall of U-Heights, we chatted for a while, i gave her the rose. She was very happy, i can see the radiant glow from her face eventhough she was sick. Everytime we meet there (before and after 'the moment') we usually chat for more than 1 hour or sometimes 2 hours, we just stand there beside it and talked bout eveything. there are many things in my mind bout her, but i can't recall too many at this time.
Now the S.L part:
A few month's had past, i still don't have the guts to confessed to her. I don't know why, maybe i feared rejection and fear of losing precious friendship. I had enough of this already. There are many times, I didn't make a move because of that. When i finally had the guts to confess (not the usual face-to-face confession, i send her gift of her favourite cartoon character's toy holding a confession card). When she got the present, she sms'ed me saying that she was already attached to somebody. I was too late making my move. Till this day, i really damn fucking regret that i didnt make the first move and i hated myself for it. I can't never forget that nite. I received a sms from her and don't even dare to read it twice. My whole world was crushing down. I was down and depressed but i tried not to show it in front of my coursemates. I try to pretend that nothing had happened. After i got the sms, i planned to start a 'new' life. It was 31st Dec 2001. I went to Komtar, get a spiky haircut, get a blue glasses and to try be another person. But i can't really change myself by by wearing different clothes, sports different hairstyles. It's just a cover-up. That time i was inspired to write S.L (Shattered Life). People who read the lyrics should probably knew what i had written, i'm not a good lyricist, not good with words. What i wrote in my lyrics is somekind of confession of my life at some point.
I need to say sorry to Dave coz i ciplak his 'theme' from his blog. Sorry, ya. hahaha! When he confessed bout Judy, i feel the urge to spill somethings from my heart that had been there for so long. Usually Chyn (one of my best bud, and BJ'sand a few good bud) would know some of my secrets. But i never told him bout this.
posted by TK at 4:14 PM
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